New Groups and Question Day

I had an awesome night last night, although I am well and truly exhausted today.  It was an incredibly late night for me, and we were one of the first ones to leave!  We got there dead on 7, and I didn't want to be one of the first ones there so I made Ross wait in the car with me for 10 minutes or so.  I was so nervous.  I actually said to Ross while we were in the car that we should turn around and go home, but he wouldn't let me.  :o)

So we made our way in, found the group right away (from the telltale E.T. DVD sitting on the table which is their 'call sign' to new members) and felt right at home right away.  Everyone was so friendly and we had people to talk to all night.  I came away exhausted but happy, and hope that we can get there for next months catch up as well.

So, on to Question Day

1) If food had no calories or fat what would your favorite dessert be?
2) Did you ever have anything stolen from you?? Did you get it back? 3) What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 
4) Do you always wear your seat belt? 
5) What do you do to make your water more appetizing?

Daily Goals

1) Try and stay awake for the whole work day

2) Drink water

3) Do NOT buy chocolate

4) Actually tidy my desk today

5) Try and stay awake (yes I know I said that twice, but I feel it needs reinforcing.

Daily Tarot

Page of Wands

The Page of Wands indicates creative restlessness, pent up energy, and perhaps some frustration.  She has passion and desire, but she isn't quite sure how to put it to good use.  This is someone on the verge of a discovery or a new phase of life. The Page also represents messages, in this case something possibly about career, travel, or even something spiritual.

xox

New People

Tonight Ross and I are going to a new Meetup Group.  I found this group through the same place as I found the Book Club.  It is called MeetUp and it is a worldwide website designed to get people meeting each other.  It has groups for just about every topic all over the place.

Anyway, tonights group is a meetup of people who are interested in the Paranormal and Unexplained.  It is up in the Adelaide Hills and both Ross and I are interested and are planning on going.  I am really nervous about it.  Mainly because it is a big(ish) group of people who all seem to know each other already.  Ross and I are the only new people going.  Plus I am a bit scared that I won't understand what people are talking about as some of the topics they discuss are things I have never heard of.  But Ross will be with me so I am sure I will be fine.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink water (this has been sadly lacking)
2)  Take my vitamins
3)  Eat better than yesterday
4)  Be brave and actually go tonight
5)  Tidy my desk because it is getting pretty overcrowded

Daily Tarot

4 of Cups
This card represents self-absorption, apathy and boredom.  You have been disappointed by somebody or something and now you are emotionally stuck.  You don't like what is in front of you and you can't be bothered to look further than your own brooding mind.  It is a shame because if you listen to the voice of wisdom you will look up and see that what you need is not that far away.

xox

Tarot Bits

Last night I did my first ever Tarot reading for someone else.  It was a whole lot of fun.  I went to my friend Emma's house and we played with the cards.  Ross came as well.  We did an overall spread for each of them and then they each got to ask some questions.  Some of the results were scary accurate.  I had to refer to the book a few times, but overall I was pleased with how much I knew right off.  It was heaps of fun.

Not much going on today.  My Achilles is still playing up so I haven't been exercising.  Food hasn't been great.  As much as I normally love winter, I am over it this year.  It is really affecting me.  I can't wait for Spring!

Daily Goals
1)  Drink water
2)  Monitor food
3)  Make that phone call I have been avoiding
4)  Tidy up at home
5)  Cook a healthy dinner

Daily Tarot

2 of Swords
You are facing a difficult decision or conflicting ideas, but are not willing to face the situation.  You have closed your eyes to it and are hoping it will go away and are letting your emotions distract you.  This card is telling you that the decision needs to be made rationally or intellectually, and not emotionally.

xox

Rainbows and Tarot

As I was getting in the car this morning I looked up and this gorgeous rainbow was filling the sky.  It was raining lightly and the sun was just coming up.  I only had my phone with me which is why the photo is a bit crummy, but it was a beautiful sight.

Yesterday I gave myself over to sloth.  Ross was at work, MIL was in the kitchen soaking stamps all day.  And I sat in my room, watched crappy sitcoms (That 70's Show - I love it), read, played Facebook Games, did puzzles, and just generally did nothing.  It was wonderful.  :)

One thing I decided was to try and build up my Facebook page for my photo cards.  So I have started another give away.  If you are on Facebook do a search for 'photo cards by kylie ann' and become a fan.  Invite all your friends to become fans.  The 100th fan, plus the person who suggested that person, each get 2 free cards of their choice.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink Water
2)  Eat no crap
3)  Stay away from Facebook and get all my work done
4)  Enjoy my tarot reading tonight
5)  Early night

In an effort to learn the Tarot in a more practical way, I have decided to draw a Tarot Card for myself each day and record it.  I use the Mystic Dreamer Tarot, so if you use tarot yourself and don't recognise the images, this is why.  If you don't believe in this or aren't interested, I will put it as the last part of the blog so you can stop reading when you get to it.  If this becomes the only reason you come here, skip to the end.  :)

Daily Tarot

Today I pulled the Wheel of Fortune.  This is one of the Major Arcana so it implies big things.  The Wheel of Fortune is the number 10 card.  So it talks about the beginning of something.  This card signifies a change is on its way, one that you may not be expecting.  The card tells you to be open to the change, and although it may not be what you were expecting it is likely to bring good fortune in the long run.

xox

Writing Zone

I am in a bit of a writing zone at the moment.  I spent a few hours yesterday working on the next chapter of the book.  I finished chapter 6 and am part way through chapter 7.  I really really wish I didn't have to be at work today as I would have loved to have spent several hours today just mulling over the next part.  But that's life.  I have very few plans for the weekend so hopefully I can get some more done.

I started reading the next Book Club book last night as well.  It is called We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver.

Again, this one is very different to the type of book I normally read, but I think I will enjoy it.  I am not far enough into it yet to be sure.  It is about a boy - Kevin - who kills 7 classmates and 3 teachers.  But it is not about him so much as his mother.  It is written as a series of letters written by Kevin's mother, Eva, to her estranged husband.  She starts writing them a year and a half after the killings and uses the letters to try and sort out what made Kevin who he was and turned him into someone who would do this.  She has guilt over the fact that she never wanted him in the first place and tries to decipher if she made him into this person or if he was just born evil.

I am not going to do 5 daily goals today, I am going to do 10 goals for the next few days.

Goals
1)  Drink enough water every day
2)  Monitor food intake
3)  Go for a bike ride
4)  Go for a walk
5)  Finish book club book
6)  Finish chapter 7
7)  Housework
8)  Paperwork
9)  Return overdue library books
10)  Practice Tarot

xox

This'n'That

Well, it's official.  I am out of Running Group for now.  The Achilles is still sore.  Walking is mostly okay, cycling is mostly okay, running hurts.  Since I have my 5 day hike coming up in a couple of months I am not prepared to risk it, so am resting it as much as possible.

I will get there though.  I know I will.  :o)

Nothing much else to report.  Last night was a relaxing evening filled with cooking, and spending time with the fella.  Plus a bit of reading and doing some puzzles.  It was really nice.

I am going to go back to doing my Daily Goals.  So here are the 5 for today:
1)  Drink 6 glasses of water (I haven't been doing this lately)
2)  Monitor my food intake - not calorie counting or anything, just monitoring so I can see where I am at
3)  Don't waste half the day surfing the Net.  Get my work done first
4)  Start sorting through the TV room - it's a mess
5)  Write a letter

xox

It's Winter

I am one of those rare people who love winter.  I love the crisp cold air in the mornings, the rain, the sound of the wind in the trees.  It has its drawbacks - less light before and after work, riding to work when it's freezing.  But mostly, I love it.

So, where was I?  Monday was the last post.  Monday night I went to an amazing meditation session.  I took Ross along with me as well.  It was a Guided Meditation to discover your Power Animal and Totem Animals.  I already knew what my power animal was, but not my totems.  It was really interesting.  The meditation itself was great.  I always come out of a good meditation feeling a little fuzzy.  Then we talked through the animals we met along the way and their meanings.  It was great.

Tuesday I woke up not feeling the best.  I had a stabbing pain in my lower rib cage and was really short of breath.  The exact same symptoms Ross had last week that saw him take a trip to the hospital.  So I was guessing I had picked up his virus.  I ended up having to cancel my Reiki appointment as there was not way I could channel Reiki energy when I was feeling so blah.  So I went home and straight to bed.

Yesterday I felt a little better.  After work I decided to stop at a nearby park and just sit for a while in the cool evening air.  I had my warm clothes with me.  What I didn't know was that the park I picked plays host to a boot camp.  It started 15 minutes after I got there, so I packed up and left.  But I still got 15 minutes of quiet and fresh air, so that is better than nothing.  It really felt great to just sit before heading home so I am thinking this is something I will do more often.  But perhaps in a different park...  ;o)

Before bed I closed myself in my room and did another meditation.  One of my goals is to make meditation part of my routine.  I always feel calmer and more centred after.  It helps me get all the craziness in my head to calm down and stop, even for just a few minutes.

This morning I am actually feeling good.  Which is a very good thing as I am itching for a run!  Tonight I have my rescheduled Reiki session, so can't do it then. but sometime over the next couple of days I will be getting out there and I can't wait!

This weekend I am working at the Body, Mind & Psychic Expo.  I am helping a friend out at the Animal Dreaming stand.  If anyone is in Adelaide, please come by and say hello.  I'll be there all day Saturday.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink 1.5L of water
2)  Get through my To-Do list
3)  Eat healthy
4)  Meditate before bed
5)  Do some tarot study

Oh, I forgot to mention, I have registered to become a volunteer with the Free The Bears charity.  So expect to hear more about them in coming posts. 

xox

Quiet Night

Last night was lovely.  I got home from work at the usual time and made the decision not to run.  My legs are really achy and I think I just need a rest.  I will take Thursday night off as well, and get back into it on Saturday.  My MIL had made Pumpkin Soup and Pumpkin Damper for dinner - YUMMO!  After dinner I sat with my feet up and knitted while watching TV.  That probably sounds incredibly boring to many, but it is very rare for me to get to sit for a whole hour just knitting and watching TV.  I usually have a myriad of other things that need doing.

Tonight I am making chocolate crackles for my Cancer Council Biggest Morning Tea on Saturday morning.  Believe it or not, I have never made chocolate crackles before.  I am doing a double batch so I can bring some into work and so Ross can have some for his work as well.  Hopefully they taste as good as I remember from my childhood.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink lots of water
2)  Tidy my desk (looks like a bomb site)
3)  No twisties for morning tea
4)  Make Chocolate Crackles
5)  Get an early night

Have a great day everyone!

xox

Running Group

I did it.  I was a very brave little girl and I went to the Running Group.  I was so scared.  I even told the coach I was terrified.  He thought that was funny. 

So we started with a little chat.  He talks abut a different topic at the beginning each week.  This week was shoes and gear.  Then he told us where we were going, and we were off. 

Right away it was clear I was the slowest.  There was another lady just a teensy bit faster than me, but yes, I was the slowest.  David, the coach, ran with me for quite a while and we chatted the whole time.  I don't normally talk and run, so this was new to me.  I coped pretty well which just shows that my fitness is improving.  We stopped twice to gather everyone together and have mini chats.  The first one was about 3 mins and the second one only about 2 mins.  All up I ran for around 40 minutes (not sure exactly) and I did somewhere around the 4km mark.  The others went further than me.  Several parts of the run were out and back, and when the leaders caught me up going the other way I turned around with them.  But I ran the whole way.  Most of the others walked several times.  So even though I am painfully slow still, even David remarked on the fact that not once did I stop for a walk break. 

The we all stretched (I learnt a few new ones that felt good) had another quick chat and it was time to head home.  David has suggested that I do 2 actual runs during the week and skip the sprints for now.  Happy with that! :o)  I know I can't do 2 long runs though so here is the plan.

Tuesday night - 2km run and work on doing it faster than my normal shuffle
Thursday night - running group
Weekend - 5km run

I am so glad I went.  Everyone was so nice.  The regular running group came past us at one point and the ladies were so encouraging and made me feel really good.  I am now looking forward to next week.

Weekly Personal Challenge Update
Cycling - 59.7/80kms
Running - 40/60 mins
Other - 1/2

Daily Goals
1)  Drink lots of water
2)  Don't buy any crap food
3)  Ride home the longer way
4)  Finish my daily to-do list (putting that on here really seems to help me get through it)
5)  Chillax with Ross tonight

Have a great day everyone!

xox

Winter is here...

OMG - it was FREEZING this morning on my way to work!  All my long trackie pants (all 2 pairs of them) are in the wash so I had to wear my 3/4 ones.  I forgot my gloves.  There were no clouds in the sky.  And it was COLD!  I think now that I am riding to work just about every day I need to invest in some more long trackies.

I am not as sore today as I was yesterday, but there is still one spot, back of my leg, just above my knees, that is really tight.  Should be alright for the Running Group tonight though.

Speaking of that.  I am terrified.  I don't want to go.  I want to hide in the corner and cross my arms and stomp my feet and say NO!  Luckily I am no long 2 years old and can move past that and will make myself go.  But I am terrified.  I have warned the coach how slow I am and he said I will be fine.  Yet terror prevails...

Quick update on my weekly goals I set for myself.

Cycling - 41.16/80 kms
Running - 0/60 mins
Other - 1/2 sessions

Not too bad so far.  I should hit all the goals by Sunday night I think.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink lots of water
2)  Don't buy any crap food
3)  Go to running group
4)  Get through my To Do List
5)  Have an early night

xox

Sprints and Eating

Last night I did sprints for the first time, and can I just say...

OUCH!!!!!

Everything hurts!

I only did 3 sprints, 30 seconds, 24 seconds, and 23 seconds.  But I truly did sprint.  I went as hard and as fast as I possibly could.  I also ran up the tram bridge at a pace slightly faster than my normal shuffle and made it about 3/4 of the way up.

By bed time last night I could barely move.  Getting up to go to the toilet in the night felt like an endurance event.  And riding to work this morning... Well, let's just say I am surprised I am here!  I can not believe how much pain I am in.  I have pain in muscles I did not know existed.  Let's just hope it settles down in the next 34 hours or so as I have my first running group tomorrow night and I would like to be able to move at least a little bit.

I am still thinking about food a lot, trying to work things out.  I know that the best way for my running speed to improve is to start dropping weight.  The less I weigh, the less I have to lug around with me, and the easier it will be to move.  I know this.  But I just can't get my head around calorie counting again.  I will NOT do a fad diet or a shake type diet.  I know that I need to make better food choices.  Last night I realised that I am fine at home.  We bought chocolate on Saturday, and most of it is still there.  Last night I felt like a bit, so I broke off a couple of rows, savoured it, and I was done.  I guess that means that my old way of eating-everything-in-the-house-just-because-it-is-there has gone.  Finally.  I no longer have to eat everything that is there, I can put it aside once I am satisfied.

At home that is.

At work I still go nuts.  And I am sure it is related to my boredom levels and my personal satisfaction level.  At home things are fine.  I am usually busy with something, we all get along great, the cats are there, life is good.  At work I am bored, I don't like what I do, I am often dealing with crappy customers/agents/banks etc.  And I deal with this in the old way - with food.

I haven't worked out how I am going to get through this, but I do believe that if I can break through this work hurdle, I may be on my way to having a somewhat normal relationship with food, which will hopefully translate into lower weight.  I'll keep on mulling it over.

Daily Goals
1)  Drinks lots of water
2)  Get up from my desk and walk around as much as possible to loosen the muscles
3)  Make good food choices
4)  Try to get through my whole To-Do List
5)  Relax tonight and take some time out.

xox

PS - Mel, I would LOVE to do Tri Pink but there isn't one in Adelaide yet.  Last years was cancelled due to issues with the venue, and when I emailed them a couple of weeks ago they said they were "getting close" to securing a new venue.  Hopefully they will be here next year and then I am IN!

She-Wee

Last night I finally got my She-Wee.  What is a She-Wee I hear you ask?  Well, a She-Wee is a "portable urinating device for women". 

I got it for long rides in the country and for when we hike the Heyson Trail in October.  The idea is you can pee standing up like boys.  One of the guys in my office called it a Girlie Doodle.  It is a very bizarre little contraption, and I believe I will need to practice with it before I go...  I will keep you updated!

I have been think a lot about my fitness and how far I have come in the last 3 months.  Once the MDC is over I don't want that to stop.  I am enjoying my new found fitness and energy levels and want to continue to improve on that.  So I have worked out an exercise plan for the next month.

Cycling - 80kms per week

Running - 60 mins per week

2 other exercise sessions a week

I am riding about 60kms just commuting to and from work, so need to add longer rides home or an extra ride.  The plan for running is to get myself up to a 5km run (nearly there) and do that on the weekends.  Thursday night I will have my Start Running Group.  And Tuesday night I am going to walk home from work and do a few sprints within the walk.  No other running, just a few 30 second sprints.  There is also one bridge I want to run up to start getting used to running up hills.  As for the other exercise sessions, they can be anything - swimming, yoga, football with the kids, boxing, hiking, whatever comes my way.

I have started reading the Intuitive Eating book and so far it has some good messages.  So as far as eating, I am going to start trying to listen to what my body needs, rather than what my head wants.  There is a difference, I just need to be able to identify it. 

Daily Goals

1)  Drink 1.5 L of water

2)  Add an extra few kms to my ride home

3)  Listen to my body with regards to food

4)  Relax tonight, and sit down and knit in front of the TV

5)  Try not to go insane at work considering I am the only one in the office today

Have a great day!

xox

Thinking About Food

Last night was our first Cooking Class for this course which is the Gourmet Vegetarian class.  As with the last one we did, week 1 was a demonstration and information night.  Natalie made Parsnip Soup (which I plan on making tomorrow night), a Ricotta Flan with honey roasted vegetables, and Dreamy Pavlova.  We got to have a little taste of it all and everything was SO good!  Next week we are doing 2 recipes on our own - a sweet potato croquette with a tangy salsa, and sticky date and toffee pudding.  Ross is going to do the pudding, and I will do the croquettes.  I can't wait!

I have actually been thinking a lot about food lately.  While I am content with my plan to not focus on my weight, I am interested in being fit.  And part of fitness is what we eat.  In the last 2 months or so I have been getting out of control with my eating again.  Not all day like I used to, but in the mornings.  I have a good breakfast, then about 9.30ish I lose it.  I am not hungry but I start eating crap.  It finishes at lunch time when I am so full.  Then I don't eat in the afternoon, have a healthy dinner and go to bed.  The hours between 9.30am and 1pm are really ruining things for me.

I want to eat good whole foods - not crap.  And I want to be in control of my eating.  Not control it as in calorie counting, but be in control of myself.  So I am going to start slowly.  The one thing I have noticed I have started doing again is using butter.  I hadn't used it in a couple of years, now all of a sudden everything is slathered in it.  So the first thing I am going to do is stop with the butter.  The other thing is to stop visiting the bakery.  If I can do those 2 things I think I will be well on my way to starting to get this under control.

I have a book called "Intuitive Eating" by Evelyn Tribole at home.  I think I will dig that out and start reading it.  It teaches you to be aware of your bodies hunger signals and to eat what your body needs, not stuff it full of crap.  I really want to get control of this as I know that if I fuel my body right, my fitness will benefit.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink 1.5L of water
2)  Go for my final run before the MDC
3)  Dig out the Intuitive Eating Book
4)  Try not to get too annoyed at work
5)  Don't binge this morning

xox

Getting There

Yesterday was a strange day.  I went from feeling completely blah, to feeling fine, to feeling blah again.  One of the other guys in the office is still getting tummy pains from the original gastro so it is obviously just a yucky one that is hanging around.  But ever the one to fight these things I went out and bought some pine-o-cleen anti-bacterial wipes and some Glen 20 and I went to work.  I wiped down everything we may have touched or breathed on in the last 2 weeks, from the buttons on the fax machine, to  door handles and light switches, to the alarm key pad.  Then I Glen 20'd the whole office before I left last night. 

When I got home I did the same.  I am determined to be feeling 100% asap so I can get out there for a run.  As weird as this sounds coming from me, I miss it.  While it does still hurt and I still fight against my ingrained innate laziness, I get such a sense of accomplishment from doing a run that it makes it all worthwhile.  I just need to feel okay again so I can get out there.

I am looking forward to this long weekend.  We have things planned, but nothing really set in stone so we can just go with the flow and see what comes up.  Tonight is Date Night and we are going to see a comedy show after a catch up with Em first.

Just realised I haven't done my Daily Goals in a while so here goes:
1)  Stop procrastinating and actually get stuck into my work
2)  1.5L of water
3)  No DC or PM
4)  Clean out the bottles from under my desk
5)  Get the office dishes done coz noone else is gonna do it and the kitchenette is starting to stink

I hope everyone enjoys their long weekend, and I will catch up next week!

xox

A bit of this and a bit of that

'Tis nearly the end of another week.  Another busy week.  I sat down and worked out when I will get my next break without having to pack or move or train or have family commitments, and we are looking at the end of April.  As much as I hate to wish my life away - bring on the end of April!  LOL

Last nights run was good.  The Training Plan had me doing a 6 minute run followed by a 5.  I did 6 and 6 and was really pleased.  I went with Ross last night.  It is the first time we have run together for a couple of months.  Although I had told him how long I was running for, when he ran it with me (without huffing and puffing much to my dismay) he was actually shocked at how long I can huff and puff for.  :o)  Now that the Clipsal Track is mostly dis-assembled we were able to go back to our favourite running place.  I will be very sad to not be living right next to this park anymore after Easter.  But it is only a 10km ride or a tram trip away if we want to use it.

Tomorrow is my first Reiki class and I am very excited, although a little nervous.  I am always nervous before starting something new though so that is normal.  I will ride there as I think the ride will calm me down.

Tonight I am going out to dinner with my MIL for her belated birthday dinner (her actual birthday was last weekend when I was at Training).  She has chosen the restaurant and we are going to Montezuma's.  I have looked on their website and there are lots of vegetarian options.  My goal for tonight is to not order dessert.  I want to be able to go out and eat normally without blowing a whole week in one night, and I believe the key is dessert.  I am usually full by then anyway, so I am not even going to look at the dessert menu.  A bite of Ross's will be enough.  I'll let you know how I go with that.

I thought I would give you all a caffeine update as well.  I am now at the point where most days I have caffeine only before lunchtime.  After lunch, water or other bubbles.  I was a bit headachey at first, and I expected that, but otherwise I feel good.  I find I am not as hungry as I was (although that could also be related to my body getting used to reduced food now I am calorie counting again) and I am actually sleeping really well.  Most days it is still Diet Coke or Pepsi Max, but I figure one bottle is better than the 4 or 5 I was having.  Some days it is tea though which is a good change.  Can I just say, the soda stream have been a godsend with this.  Mineral water is my friend.  :o)

Before I go, anyone who hasn't read Mel's account of her first half Ironman event in Singapore, you MUST go here to read it.  This woman is absolutely amazing and my absolute hero and inspiration.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink my water
2)  Eat healthy
3)  Ride to Di's tonight (don't be slack and get a lift)
4)  No dessert
5)  Tidy one drawer at work

xox

Thoughts on Running

I just have some random thoughts buzzing through my head on this whole running thing.  As I was running last night I was asking myself why I was doing it.  Let's face it, when you are my size (I have over 60 kgs to lose) running hurts...  It hurts your feet, your knees, your legs, your glutes, your calves.  Your lungs scream for mercy and at one point last night I actually thought that my heart was going to break free of my rib cage it was pounding so hard.

So the question is why. 

And I think I figured it out.  Despite the agony at the time, in some bizarre, macabre sort of way, I actually enjoy it.  I have no idea why - perhaps I have some otherwise undiscovered masochistic tendencies.  But I get a great deal of satisfaction out of pounding the pavement and moving my body in that (painful) way.

Last nights run was hard.  I felt really tight in the legs.  Particularly my hamstrings.  I think I need to start stretching before a run.  I always stretch after, but perhaps that isn't enough.  I did my 6 minutes then my 4 minutes.  And I tried to push the walking times a bit harder.  It went well.  I knocked a minute off my last time.  I have something different (hopefully) planned for Thursday.  I'll fill you in after it's done.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink water
2)  Eat healthy
3)  Order a peppermint tea tonight (Em, you're gonna hafta help me here)
4)  Start tidying my workspace
5)  Pack a box for storage

xox

The Weekend....

I spent the weekend at a Training Weekend for my volunteer work.  Food was provided and there were limited options, even less for the vegetarians among us.  I made the best choices possible, but when the only option is a thick crust pizza and garlic bread, and you are starving coz there have been so few options throughout the weekend, you eat it. 

Did this affect my weekly weigh in...

Yup!

I had been doing really well throughout the week then this.  Of course it didn't help that by the time I got home last night I was so exhausted and so hungry that we ordered pizza rather than cook dinner. 

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I feel quite ill, but it is self inflicted so no sympathy.  Time to dust off and go again.

While I was on the Training Weekend I fell over (yet again).  I bruised the front of my knee (although thankfully didn't hurt my actual knee inside) and turned my ankle a bit.  I was planning on going for a run on Sunday after I left, but decided a couple days rest due to my klutziness was in order.  Hopefully I will be right by Tuesday though.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink my water
2)  Stick to calories
3)  Don't eat too many servings of brownies at class
4)  Don't trip over or fall over or down anything
5)  Get through the day without falling asleep

xox

WhoGAF and Running

Last night, despite still being quite stiff, I decided to go for my walk to try and work out the stiffness from my fall.  It didn't take long to start feeling better so I decided to give running a go.  My previous best - 3 week ago - was 3 minutes and 20 seconds.  Can I just say...

FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so the last 2 minutes were more of a shuffle, but I kept it up and kept going.  About 2 minutes in and the oval started to fill with young footballers.  Not lovely sexy young 20-something footballers, mid-teen footballers.  I was instantly embarrassed and wanted to stop then I thought - WhoGAF!!!!!!!!!!  So I kept going.

By the time I finished the 5 minutes there were footballs flying everywhere and it was time to leave the oval.  I started walking on the footpath.  I wasn't planning on trying another run but I felt okay after a little while so wanted to go again.  But I was on the footpath and there were cars and people everywhere, and once again I was instantly embarrassed.  But - WhoGAF!!!!!!  Off I went.  Only another 2 minutes as I was feeling Monday nights fall.  Time to walk it out. 

I tried my newfangled super dooper new ankle braces.  Used them for the run, rode home in them then left them on for a couple for hours after.  And today - NO FOOT PAIN!!!!!!  YAY!   They work!  I am very pleased that I didn't waste the $50 they cost. :o)

This morning I went to the pool to try and work out the last of the stiffness.  I didn't swim swim, I did some kickboard, some breaststroke, some walking and some running on the spot in the deep end (the deep end is only 120cm).  Now I am sitting at work eating my oats with rice milk. YUM!

Daily Goals (I wrote these last night so the swimming is already done)
1)  Drink 6 glasses of water
2)  Stick to calories
3)  Don't eat junk at class
4)  Go swimming in the morning
5)  Be brave and share a story in class tonight

xox

Changes

Yesterday I mulled (not moped, mulled) :o) over my blog post and everything behind it.  While doing that I ate healthy, drank water, and acheived all 5 of my daily goals.  Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and kindness yesterday.  I often think if I write a sad or not-so-upbeat post that people will stop reading before getting to the end.  So thank you for getting all the way through.

Anyway, although I know it is going to be hard as I have been lazy about this for so long, it is time to make some life changes (again).

So I downloaded the free trial of the calorie king software.  And I have to say - I like it a lot.  So I will be purchasing that.  Although it is more expensive than the CK membership, I have already stopped visiting CK and feel good with my decision.  I was getting sucked into the pettiness of the forums, and although often I didn't comment, the attitudes and nastiness were wearing me down.  So back to calorie counting.

I will continue with the cycling and walking/running I have been doing.  Once I move (in 3 weeks) I will be riding a much further distance to work so will automatically be ramping things up there.

One thing I will NOT be doing is getting obsessed like last time.  Last time I was doing really well, then all of a sudden I kept getting bits of (unsolicited) advice - eat less sodium, eat more protein, eat less carbs, stick to this macro-nutrient, stick to these micrograms.  AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Seriously - I was doing well then I started to get all this extra advice that I hadn't asked for.  And this was from people who were meant to be supporting me within a forum I was active within.  Stupidly I began to listen to them.  I truly believe that when I started trying to adjust all these teeny tiny things is when it just got too hard and I fell off the wagon with a resounding thump!

So the plan is.  Stick to my calories - try to make them as healthy overall as possible without worrying about the small stuff.  Exercise.  Ignore the advice of others when I KNOW that this basic formula works for me.  Success will follow. 

On to other things....

Last night at cooking class we did 3 recipes.  We did a traditional style Quiche Lorraine that included making my own pastry from scratch, a Tiramisu, and a salad dressing.  I am way behind putting recipes up on my other blog, but once I have moved and things settle down I will catch up.

The salad dressing is divine.  I normally don't like or eat dressing, but I can see me having a tiny drizzle of this on salads.  It is around 40 calories per serve which isn't too bad.  I am going to make up another batch and leave it at work.

The Quiche was lovely.  But very high in calories.  370 calories for 1/8th of the pie, which is quite a small piece.  I had a piece last night, but I had allowed for it for the day so it is okay.  It was actually too buttery for me, so that small piece was enough.  I loved the pastry though but think it would be better in sweet dishes.

The Tiramisu looks great.  Ross did most of it himself.  But I don't eat Tiramisu so the whole thing is his, and it is a pretty big dish!  He is taking some for lunch today.  LOL

As we were leaving class I tripped down 3 steps.  Actually I stepped backwards into thin air coming out the door (mis-judged where the step was) while carrying Ross's Tiramisu.  Somehow I managed to place one foot on the bottom step, but I got thrown forward and as I took another step forward to try and get my balance I came down hard on my right leg.  Somehow I managed to stay upright (and saved the Tiramisu) but my whole right side (from ankle to upper arm) is sore today.  Last night I was in agony, but it settled down overnight.  My back is still pretty sore though.

The plan for tonight was to go for a run, but I will now have to see how I feel.  So my goals for today are:
1)  Stick to calories
2)  Drink my water
3)  Go for a walk (run if I am feeling up to it)
4)  Pack a box for storage
5)  Straighten up in the kitchen

xox

The End

The end of what?  The End of treating myself so badly.  It has got to stop.  Yesterday afternoon I was in a weird kind of funk.  I was quite emotional (hormones I think) and I was tired, and lethargic, and sore from a full day of housecleaning and cooking on Saturday.  We had to do some shopping in the morning and I bought a block of chocolate for us to share after dinner. 

Anyway Ross went out for a while in the afternoon, and what did I do?  I sat down with the chocolate and within 30 minutes it was gone.  I felt sick and I felt awful, but I kept eating.  I was sad and depressed and cried afterwards.  Last night I still felt so awful and I cried myself to sleep. 

This morning I am tired and I have a sugar hangover.

And I am SO ANGRY at myself!!!!!!

Why do I do this.  I would NEVER treat another person with such disrespect.  WHY do I think it is okay to treat myself that way?  And I do it over and over and over again. 

I am putting on weight, I am losing fitness, I am feeling sad a lot of the time, I am hiding away from people.  How did I slip so far backwards into this pit that I swore I would never go back to again?

Often of a morning I draw a card from my deck of Animal Dreaming Oracle Cards by Scott Alexander King.  I just use it as something to think about for the day.  And often it is something that really resonates with me at the time.  This morning I drew 'Butterfly - Transformation'.  It is about the time being right for making changes.  I thought about this as I walked to work, and it is right.  It IS time to make changes.  Changes I made once before and was successful at. 

Last time I did this I spent some time planning what I was going to do and how I was going to do it.  I will do that again.  But in the meantime I will cut the crap.  Eat healthy.  Exercise.  Fine tune as I go.  No more excuses.

Daily Goals
1)  Drink 1.5 litres of water
2)  Ride home from work
3)  Don't snack too much at cooking class
4)  Eat healthy
5)  Don't mope

xox