So again I say...
Happy Veggie-Versary to me!
So again I say...
Happy Veggie-Versary to me!
Last night we headed to a friends for dinner and to meet her new man. Both were lovely, the dinner and the man. :o) It was a late night again though.
I have had so many late ones this week, Monday morning is going to be a real struggle. But I have also had a great week, so no complaining here.
This afternoon we are heading up north to the Rogaining event. To be honest, I am shit scared. But hopefully it will be fun and we won't be lost in the bush for a week... LOL.
I have spoken on here before about my husbands battle with depression. A battle he has fought and won several times over.
What I haven't really spoken about is my own...
These last few months have been extremely difficult for me. I have mentioned the anxiety in brief but not the full extent of it. For several months I have been having ongoing general anxiety as well as full blown anxiety attacks. It has been almost crippling at times. I have been trying to deal with it as best I can, sometimes with success, sometimes not so successfully. Deep breathing exercises have helped somewhat. The whole time this has been going on I have been aware of it.
What I had been remarkably unaware of, was the depression that also seeped in over the last couple months or so. I am so good at picking up on it in Ross, yet I completely missed it in myself. I think a few of my friends knew something was going on. E asked me several times if everything was okay as I seemed unhappy, but I just blew her off saying work was getting to me. Other friends had noticed I have been remarkably unsocial. But I just claimed I was busy.
Several weeks ago it was bad. Very bad. Which is when I realised what was going on. I won't go into details. Let's just say my thoughts no longer felt as though they were my own, and the severity of them is what made me realise something was very much not right...
As is usual for me, once I am aware of something with my moods, I am usually able to take some sort of control. The first thing I did was go off the Pill. Massive MASSIVE difference. I started taking vitamins again and upped my vitamin B intake. I also realised I was behind in my vitamin D meds, so I caught myself back up. Having these holidays has been a Godsend. I did not realise how much I needed the break.
The other day I also talked to Ross about it. I was so scared to do that as I don't want to trigger anything in him. But he is in such a good place within himself right now that he has been wonderful. Talking about it has made a huge difference.
I am now doing really well and feel almost back to my old self. I am reaching out to old friends and hoping that shutting myself away these last few months has not burned too many bridges.
So why am I sharing this here?
Honestly, I am not sure. Mental health is so often kept in the shadows. We don't talk about it. We are afraid of it almost. I admit to feeling a certain amount of shame. I don't know why. Maybe because I feel like I should always be in control. God knows I have had to be for the last couple of years. But I know I shouldn't. There is nothing shameful about it.
But I think mainly I just wanted to put it out there. I think the key to my recovery is honesty. Also I think I wanted to put some awareness out there. Most people who know me would have had no idea that I have been going through this for months. I am great at covering my feelings. I think I just want people to be aware. That someone close to you may be fighting some pretty serious inner demons they may not be showing you. Keep your eyes open my friends. Your kind word or tender hug at the right time may make all the difference. And may be the line between someones recovery and a fatal alternative.
When I got home Ross was already waititng in the tent. I got into my flannie jammies and went out to join him. It was a lot of fun, but it was also freezing! I could not believe how cold it was. I woke up at 3am shivering. Since I was miserable, I thought it only fair that Ross was too. LOL! I woke him up to tell him I was cold - with the ulterior motive being that he might get up and get another blanket. His response... To snuggle closer and fall back asleep. Sigh...
Today was a shopping day. We went to Westfield. I rarely shop for myself, but today was about me. We met Em for lunch and then shopped. I got 3 nice tops, a Tshirt, 2 pairs of thongs and some new undies. Then we headed over to the Boobie Trap for bras. I desperately needed bras. I got 2 pairs of sports bras and 1 pretty blue bra. I am very happy with my haul. It was nice to shop for me. The only thing I didn't get that I still need is trackie pants.
Tomorrow we are off to Hahndorf. I am really looking forward to it.
I am posting early today as I am heading out tonight. Today has been pretty uneventful. Spent the morning at the Accountants getting our tax done. Ho hum. Boring fact of life unfortunately...
The appointment was early so we went out for breakfast on the way home. I got a cheese croissant. High in calories, but also high in taste! :o) Am being well behaved for the rest of the day to make up for it.
Came home and got everything ready in the tent for tonight. I have to say, it looks squishy inside. But it is a hiking tent, designed to be light enough to carry in a pack. The cats have had a lovely time playing in it and darting under the fly. It is very cute. But they will be sleeping inside tonight. There is definitely not enough room in there for the two of us and three cats! LOL
Spent the afternoon watching X Files and sewing. I did the flower above today. Of all the fabrics I have used, this one looks the best made up.
Tonight I am off to a friends house for a craft night. We used to catch up every week, but it kind of dropped off around a year ago. I really looking forward to it.
Ahhhhh... What a day. :o)
I am not going back to Calorie King. Mainly because I believe that is where my previous obsession came from: the constant blogging and chatting on the forums and comparing - it took over my life!
I have downloaded an app for my phone (a free one) called Shape Up. It is like the CK software. It is American though, so I'll have to load a lot of my foods in myself, but once they are in there they are there for good.
If I start obsessing, I'll stop. Simple as that. I can't do that to myself again. If you notice me obsessing I am going to have to trust you all to tell me.